Friday 4 October 2024

Red Tape

 

Somewhere there's a company
Where all the red tape's made
I think it must be lucrative,
(Executives well paid)
For there has to be a reason
Why bureaucracy expands
And it's probably financial
getting money in their hands.

When the phone queues last for eons
And the menus don't make sense,
When your problems are not covered
And the chatbots leave you tense,
When you're referred to check a website
When you'd rather hear a voice
When the options on that website
never fit your required choice.

When at last you reach a human
And you explain what you need
Provided that they understand
They sadly can't proceed
For that's not what their team handles
And you're placed on hold an age
You endure awful muzak
Try to hold back mounting rage.

With luck you may reach someone
Who can at last comprehend 
But that is insufficient 
Though they care (or just pretend) 
It might be health and safety
That they quote as an excuse
The red tape binds them to some rule
That makes their "help" no use.

There may be a way forward 
Though it may incur a cost
Employ a private firm instead 
then more time will be lost
As legislation binds their hands
They have their own red tape
And fees that they will pass to you.
It seems there's no escape.

Maybe at some stage your needs
Are met with compromise.
Despite the aggravation, you
survived obstructive lies.
The Company has made more loot
Reduced the staff they need
Exploiting tech, and adding rules.
Who cares if you're annoyed?
  

Wednesday 24 July 2024

Come on Eileen (short Political Parody)

The Conservatives may have been kicked out of government but their legacy still prompts commentary or derision. A touch of Dexy's Midnight Runners, I think. Not the full song, but the flavour is there.


Come on Eileen

Tories - what they say
Sounding crass upon a TV show
With the gaslighting we've grown to know
All the times they lied
Yet some wouldn't blame them...
When shown (won't own up)
Atone? (Won't own up)
Still they'd sail us down the river (which are unclean)
Tory faux ignorin' Tory lies
But now we've halted 

Come on, fourteen
Years, I swear what we've seen
There were moments
Thought I'd seen everything
They made a mess
Their tricks, I confess
Were so dirty
When we needed clean.

Widdicombe Fair (Post Election Political Parody)

A number of well-known (UK) Conservative politicians lost their seats in the General Election held on 4th July 2024. This included the short-serving Prime Minister and economic wrecking ball Liz Truss  It seemed an idea to make a list given the Tom Cobbley they made with their misrule.


Tom Pierce parody (Widdicome Fair)

Three cheers, three cheers - let's see who's not there 
There's a long list, a long list we can see 
Of Tories that added to years of despair
With Grant Schapps, Penny Mordaunt, Johnny Mercer, Therese Coffey
Michael Fabricant, Gillian Keegan, and Jacob Rees-Mogg took a fall
They kicked out the Lettuce and all.

It's sad there's Rishi, Hunt, Jenrick, Patel 
Not on the long list, the long list we can see
I'd liked to have seen Braverman there as well
But Grant Schapps, Penny Mordaunt, Johnny Mercer, Therese Coffey
Michael Fabricant, Gillian Keegan, and Jacob Rees-Mogg took a fall
They kicked out the Lettuce and all.

We lost Simon Clarke and we lost Simon Hart
To the long list, the long list we can see
And Tobias Ellwood, Mark Harper depart
Like Grant Schapps, Penny Mordaunt, Johnny Mercer, Therese Coffey
Michael Fabricant, Gillian Keegan, and Jacob Rees-Mogg took a fall
They kicked out the Lettuce and all.

We lost Michelle Donelan, lost Damien Green
To the long list, the long list we can see
And Lucy Fraser, Robert Buckland are seen 
With Grant Schapps, Penny Mordaunt, Johnny Mercer, Therese Coffey
Michael Fabricant, Gillian Keegan, and Jacob Rees-Mogg took a fall
They kicked out the Lettuce and all.

Now note Michael Gove stood down so he won't be
On the long list, the long list we can see
But Jonathan Gullis is one you can see 
With Grant Schapps, Penny Mordaunt, Johnny Mercer, Therese Coffey
Michael Fabricant, Gillian Keegan, and Jacob Rees-Mogg took a fall
They kicked out the Lettuce and all.

Although there's some left, we can enjoy the look
At the long list, the long list we can see
And sing out the names of each ejected crook
Like Grant Schapps, Penny Mordaunt, Johnny Mercer, Therese Coffey
Michael Fabricant, Gillian Keegan, and Jacob Rees-Mogg took a fall
They kicked out the Lettuce and all.


Haul Away Joe (Election Political Parody)

 General election time. Another sea shanty seems appropriate.



Let 'em All Go (Haul Away Joe)

1. Once the people weren't so mad
But Twenty Ten descended
REFRAIN: Chuck it away, and let it all go!
They voted in Dave Cameron
And sanity it ended
REFRAIN: Chuck it away, and let it all go!

CHORUS 1
Chuck it away, the Tories getting bolder
Chuck it away, and let it all go!
Chuck it away, a weight we'd have to shoulder
Chuck it away, and let it all go!
 
2. We thought it wouldn't be so bad
A Lib Dem coalition (+ REFRAIN)
It didn't stop austerity
That social demolition (+ REFRAIN)  

MAIN CHORUS
Chuck it away, to asset-stripping Tories
Chuck it away, and let it all go!
Chuck it away, experience what poor is,
Chuck it away, and let it all go!

3. Farage, he conned the government
To call a referendum (+ REFRAIN)
With lies upon a big red bus
Our rights, they planned to end 'em (+ REFRAIN)

4. When Davy scrammed, Theresa May 
Was called to handle Brexit (+ REFRAIN)
The endless arguments, they led 
to her chaotic exit (+ REFRAIN)

5. A populist buffoon came next
A charismatic liar (+ REFRAIN)  
Surrounded by his yes men
He would feed us to the fire (+ REFRAIN)  

6. Inept uncaring Boris
And each profiteering donor (+ REFRAIN)  
They ignored rules that they had set
Whilst we died from Corona (+ REFRAIN)  

7. It took an age to kick him out
A little gem came after (+ REFRAIN)  
She caused an economic crash
Could it become much dafter? (+ REFRAIN)  

8. A multi-millionaire came next
For whom no member voted (+ REFRAIN)  
And all the time our rights were trashed
And culture wars promoted (+ REFRAIN)  

9. They pushed through laws to strengthen 
their control and steal our future (+ REFRAIN)  
After fourteen years descent please say
Election Day will suit ya! (+ REFRAIN)  

10. Well now can’t you see, polling day is nearing (+ REFRAIN)  
End of the week, I hope that we'll be cheering (+ REFRAIN)  

Vote them away, those asset-stripping Tories
Vote them away, and let them ALL go!
Vote them away, show them where the door is,
Vote them away, and let them ALL go!

Vote them away, and see them gone forever 
Vote them away, and let them ALL go!
Vote them away and beat them hell for leather 
Vote them away, and let them ALL go!

Tory Ravaged Nation (Willy Wonka political parody)

I saw a mockup image of Rishi Sunak dressed as Willy Wonka. This alone was the inspiration for a Pure Imagination parody


Tory Ravaged Nation

Come with me and you'll be
In a world - a Tory ravaged nation.
We're corrupt, fueled by greed,
and we don't believe in limitations 

We don't bother with spin,
Playing fast and loose with defamation
Feed the public each lie...
Degradation.

If you're told your town is on the rise, 
Simply look around, we'll screw it
Insufficient funds? Blew it -
On our friends and donors 
They've gone through it

It is evil, we know
But we love our Tory ravaged nation
So despair, we don't care
'Cause I only think of me.

If you want some decent services
We won't give you funding for it
Raid our coffers, we abhor it
Need a living wage? 
We'll just ignore it.

It is evil, we know
But we love our Tory ravaged nation
So despair, we don't care
'Cause I only think of me.

Hey Mickey (Political Parody)

Frustration at governments with whom one is opposed is not unusual. I find that writing parody lyrics to well-known songs is fun anyway, so combining this with political commentary is an ideal vehicle to provide some relief. This is but one. (More to follow)


Hey Mickey (Toni Basil)

(Chant, repeat 4 times) 
Oh Rishi, you're a swine
You paid a fine, another time 
Hey Rishi, hey Rishi

Hey Rishi
Your party is a fright and twelve years' a little long
You represent far right but I think you've got it wrong
Why can't you be less tight?
So we can heat our homes, Rishi

'Cause when you say you will, it always means you won't
You're givin' us the chills, maybe freeze maybe don't
Every blight you instill leaves us all to moan, Rishi

CHORUS
Oh Rishi, what a pity, all that you have planned
It tears us all apart with each cut or tax demand
Oh Rishi in the City, we all understand
It's guys like you, Rishi
Ooh what you do Rishi, do Rishi
Won't you depart, Rishi

Hey Rishi
Now with our income devalued and your cronies getting mo'
Even though there's proof, mainstream media you control
There's something you misuse? We won't hear so, Rishi

You'll come on and take it from us anyway you can
Anyway you want to do it, now you've got a protest ban
And sleaze, MP sleaze - you put us in this jam Rishi

Chorus, Chant × 4, Chorus × 4



Dancing in the Street (Partygate Political Parody)

The behaviour of Boris Johnson and his merry band of Covid rulebreakers was rich for parody. 

Down in Downing Street

Callin' out around the world
Are you ready for a brand new cheat
Boris here - and the time is right
To chance in Downing Street

We're chancing from the get go (that's in Downing Street)
Lie 'bout Europeans (that's in Downing Street)
We do talk shitty (that's in Downing Street)
All our greed - abusin', we're abusin',
Rights abusin' everywhere

There'll be tricking, betrayin' and donors paying
Down in Downing Street

It doesn't matter what you say
Just deny that you were there;
The proles will  - buy each lie we unfurl
We don't care about the world
'Cause we're chancing (that's in Downing Street) 

etc